I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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