the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
