If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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