If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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