After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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