My liver just broke up with me...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
