She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
