i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize