i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
