I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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