So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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