I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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