i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How naked do you want me to be?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
