do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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