Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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