He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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