Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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