i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
