last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
