I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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