love makes seman taste better
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
