im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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