He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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