I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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