my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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