I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
