R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
