I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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