The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
