dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
