I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
