Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
