I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Randomize
