ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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