He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
