Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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