I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
