Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize