Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
