We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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