Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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