What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
