Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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