You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
