so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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