Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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