What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
