i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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