you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
