i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
