anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
