just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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