what day is it and did you see me today?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
