You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
