you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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