im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
