Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
