You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's shark week go big or go home
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
