maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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