She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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